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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Ides Of March, or, Does This Dagger Match My Shoes?

  You know how you go along thinking things are good, in fact great, and never even feel that knife in your back?  Then, when someone points it out, it hurts like hell. You think, hey, I must have done something to deserve this, but you can't figure out what. Then, it's like you're in high school again, only, Becky didn't pass you that note in gym to let you know you were being libeled. You are angry, but mostly your feelings are hurt. You realize not everyone is your friend, and there is no reason why they should be. So you close yourself off, leave them to their own fate. Years later, Cindy's husband gets caught sleeping around, Pattie's 15 year old is pregnant and Connie's son is gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. But, you don't feel vindicated. Your heart breaks for them, and you pray they find healing. That's the knife twisting. You can't hate even when you should.
  There was a Bob Dylan song in the 80's that said, "If you want someone you can trust, trust yourself." I think he had something there. Being paranoid doesn't mean people are not out to get you. If Lincoln had been a little more paranoid, maybe he could have finished the play. Or better yet, stayed in and read a good book.
 

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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


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