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Monday, July 30, 2012

 We are remodeling a bathroom in our house, in hopes of getting it on the market in the next few weeks. So, of course, Jon and I are, for the first time in a very long time, sharing a bathroom. This is a hardship I'm not sure our marriage will endure.
  I shouldn't be so picky. Indoor plumbing is a blessing in some parts of the world. I grew up in a house with 10 other people, ( seven were boys ) and we had one bathroom. Of course we also had a full time maid. I think her name was Mom. Anyway, everyday, when we got home from school, that bathroom was spotless. I don't know how she did it.
 I cleaned out my closet and gave one 20 gallon and three 36 gallon trash bags full of clothes, shoes and purses to Goodwill. I know that makes me sound like a good and generous person, but truth is, I needed to unload some stuff. Things become a burden if you don't really use them. I had to quit torturing myself and accept the fact that if I am ever small enough to wear some of those things, they will be out of style. Also, I am a wasteful person, buying things I don't need. And as for giving them away, I'm just too lazy to have a garage sale or take them to a consignment shop.
 I need a beach and a glass of wine.




 

Friday, July 20, 2012

Blessed Are They Who Mourn For They Sall Be comforted

 It's hard to understand how someone could take another life. It's even harder to imagine what would make a person plot, plan and then execute a mass murder. Why kill other humans, folks who are just enjoying life?
  In the next few days, we will hear dozens of opinions on why a medical school drop out would take the lives of people he didn't even know. Most will rage on and on about gun control. You will hear conspiracy theories from the extreme right, and TV preachers will talk about the dangers of letting children watch evil movies. I'm sure some tabloid writer somewhere will write about "The Batman Curse".
 But, before it gets too crazy, let me offer my opinion.
 In a world where there is no God, there is no hope. Children raised without hope, grow up to be, well, hopeless.
  How sad to think this is all there is. To believe your life is in your own hands.
  I have known a sadness so deep, it took my breath away. All I could do was cry out to Jesus. He is my hope and the reason I live today. He has secured my future.

 
  
 

Monday, July 16, 2012

Changes

  Jon and I have always talked about doing something different. We have dreamed of calling a place home, not because AT&T said so, or because it's where our stuff is, but just because it's where we want to live.
 In the next few months, we will be working toward making that dream come true. We will shake off our fears, pack up our worldly possessions, our two dogs, my father, and God help us, his dog, and leave this place.
 It will not be easy to leave. My daughter is buried here.
 I know it's crazy and maybe a little morbid. This attachment I have to that grave is surely some kind of spiritual metaphor for my life. But, it hurts to think no one will leave flowers on her birthday or a Christmas tree in December. There won't be anyone standing over her grave updating her on the Texas Rangers progress toward a World Series pennant. But, then again, I know she's not really there.
 I recently became friends with a woman who, believe it or not, lost her 17 year old daughter in 2001, and her name was Lauren. We were talking last night about how she has carried a box full of her Lauren's things all over the country and she didn't know why. I told her I understood. I have trophies and dolls and even a baton bag that has not been opened in six years. I think the reason we do this is, these girls were so young when they died. They never were married or had children. I'm not sure if either of them were ever in love. So we keep their things as a kind of proof they ever existed. I don't know who we are trying to prove it to. Perhaps those who, themselves do not yet exist.
 Anyway, I know I have to keep on living and taking care of the ones I live for.
 Oh, and that sweet friend said she would take flowers to Lauren's grave for me. How can I leave a friend like that?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

For My Baby Girl

Happy Birthday, sweet Lauren.
I hope you're having cake and ice cream with Jesus. I know there are no calories in Heaven.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Vacation In Heaven

 We took a little unplanned trip, this week, to East Texas. This is where my parents grew up, and it is beautiful. Seriously, if Heaven is the best place a person can be, I believe Heaven will be an East Texas family reunion. And there will be ice cream, watermelon, sweet tea and baked sweet potatoes. People will be fishing and children will be swimming in Lake Fork. There will be grandmothers in floral spring dresses and of course, every dog you every loved will be there waiting for you.
  I caught up with some long lost cousins, and my mother's only living sibling, my Aunt Lorene. At ninety three, she is still a lovely women.
 As a child, I hung around the kitchen, quietly listening to the conversations of my mother and her sisters. They were all amazing women, but aunt Lorene was always my favorite. She took my aging grandmother into her home and cared for her until Grandmother was just too bad off for her to do it alone. It broke her heart when she had to put her in a nursing home. So much so, she talked to me about it yesterday. She experienced loss and heartache and remained stoic and firm in her faith. The only time I ever saw her cry, was when my mother was sick with Lou Gehrig's.
 You know that lady they talk about in the Bible, the Psalm 31 woman? I think they were talking about my aunt. I hope it's not too late for me to get that same reputation.

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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


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