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Monday, January 16, 2012

Another Top Five

 Happy MLK day.
 I'm so glad for another day off as I am not quite back to normal. I'm told that it could be months before the pain actually subsides. Maybe I can make it on Ibuprofen and ice and not have to be so stoned all the time. Although, being stoned, hungry and glued to the TV did make me feel like a high school girl again. I think my metabolism could take it better back then.
  As much as I write about television, you might think I watch it all the time. That's what I thought, anyway. But last night I was watching the Golden Globes and I had not seen most of the TV shows that were winning awards.  I do watch Modern Family, which won for best sitcom. In fact I DVR it just in case something comes up. In my opinion, it's the funniest sitcom on TV today.
 On a previous awards show, Downton Abbey won best drama or something. I had never heard of it, but it looked interesting so I watched the first season on my Kindle Fire. I loved everything about it. The characters, costumes and story line hooked me. But, why had I never seen Downton Abbey before? I watch PBS, but I had never even seen it advertised.
 Then there were all those mini series I had never heard of. Is it possible they all aired during baseball season, when I was only semi-aware of what else was going on in the world? That has to be it.
 Anyway, that got me thinking about making another list. You know how I love list. Modern Family is a very funny show, as is 30 Rock. Most other sitcoms are too joke driven. They set up every line and you can guess where it's going. And the laugh track just makes it worse. So, I decided to make a list of what I think are the top five funniest lines from old television shows.
 Number 5: Dick Van Dyke was lost in the woods and came upon an old cabin, where he took shelter. He had to kill a large snake and started to throw it out the window, but stopped. He didn't know how long he would be without food so he put the dead snake on the table and said, "That should kill my appetite."
 Number 4: On the old Newhart show, Bob had written a mystery novel and there was a typo that read, it was so quiet, you could hear a pig drop. The towns people didn't realize it was a typo and they all adopted the phrase. I say this sometimes and people look at me like I'm crazy, so maybe you had to be there.
 Number 3: Carol Burnett was playing Scarlett O'Hara.  Rhett was coming to see her and she had nothing to wear so, of course, she pulled the drapes down to make a dress just like in the movie. Only in the Carol Burnett version she left the drapery rod in the dress. When complemented, she said, " I saw it in the window and just had to have it."
 The first time I saw this I laughed until I had tears in my eyes.
 Number 2: This was not really a sitcom, but rather an interview. Johnny Carson was asking Bob Uecker about his baseball days. He said when he was catching he could tell a curve ball from a fast ball in the dark. Johnny asked him how. He held up his hands and made a big circle and said, " a fast ball leaves a whelp about this big."
 Number 1: Mash. Hawkeye and Trapper John are discussing Colonel Flag. Hawkey, "That guys a fruitcake." Trapper, "He has Raisins for eyes."

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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


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