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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Sad Daze


I went to my water aerobics class tonight. My doctor suggested water aerobics after I hurt my back and it turns out I love it. Most of the people who go, are going for some kind of physical therapy.

Tonight there was a new face in the crowd . She was someone I had known in another place and time, but I didn't recognize her at first. She was always so cheerful, bright eyes, big smile. But tonight she had a blank stare and a forced smile when she saw me. After the class we were talking and she said she was coming to this class as part of her therapy. I asked what she needed therapy for, expecting her to say something about her back or knees, whatever. But then she looked at me and said depression. I don't know how I didn't see it. I wanted to know what happened, if anything, but knew I couldn't ask.

When my daughter died, I wondered if it showed on my face. I could be in a room full of people and felt so alone. My doctor gave me a prescription for antidepressants, but they didn't take away the sadness, I just couldn't cry anymore. I needed to cry, so I quit taking them. But they gave me that same look I saw on her face tonight. My heart broke for her.

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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


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