I haven't posted in several days. I meant for this blog to be more upbeat and I know I've been a real downer lately. So I tried to wait until some of these feelings passed, but, forgive me, I just have to write them down. I hope this is the last one.
You see it's started again. This time every year kids around here start dying in car wrecks. The latest, a student from our local university, was killed by a drunk driver Saturday night. She was twenty and here from another state. About four years ago two students from that same school were killed in a wreck during Fall break. Both were friends of my daughter Lauren, and I knew the parents of the young man quite well. The other was a dancer. Ballet. She was the one that saddened me the most. I could just imagine her parents driving from New Mexico, knowing their daughter was dead. How hopelessly long that drive must have seemed. A year or so later that girls mother wrote me the sweetest letter when we lost Lauren. I never responded. It was too hard.
I thought Lauren would be alive when we arrived. On the drive home,I went from wanting to shield my other two children from the pain, to wishing we had hit that deer in the road, had an accident and died without ever knowing what the very near future held.
After the accident on Saturday I thought about this latest victim and her parents making that drive. The longest drive.
Random thoughts and realities from a middle age (if I live to be 100) Christian,wife, mother,Texas Ranger fan, and spoiler of small dogs.
As I read this I thought about Titus chapter 2 where it talks about the older women in the congrgation teaching the younger women. I'm not speaking in terms of age, but of experience. Unfortunately, we live in a broken world and there are women (probably some we know well) that will go through this experience...the experience of losing a child. You have an opportunity to teach the "younger" (less experienced) women. I don't know how you feel about that...I don't know if you've considered it or want to take that on...but, by simply sharing your experiences and your feelings, you are teaching us. It's okay if your blog is not always light and upbeat. Life is not light and upbeat 100% of the time. Sometimes we need to be reminded of that...especially when we are in a pit and can't get out. We need to know it's okay...this too shall pass...but that doesn't mean that we are hopeless because we feel burdened, angry, sad...anything BUT light and upbeat.
ReplyDeleteSee, I have a friend who lost her husband about 6 months ago. Since then, all I've heard about (on her blog) are the happy times. I don't want to be "Debbie Downer"...but tell me about the hard times, please. I want to know the full extent of the process...I don't want to think that if I lost Ryon that in 6 months time I'd be back to normal...just with more room in my bed at night. I want to know that it would be okay to feel lost without him for a time. I guess the reason I feel that way is because when my grandmother died 2 years ago, my mom and I were in shock at how hard it was. We had never experienced anything like that and no one had ever discussed with us how it felt...and how long it took to get over the hurt (I'm still not completely over it).
I'm sorry this is such a long comment, but I wanted you to know that your "down times" don't bring me down. They inspire me. They comfort me. I see what you have been through with your daughter and I feel better about what I've been through with my grandmother (and what I witnessed my mom go through with my grandmother - I seriously was afraid at times that she was going to completely fall apart). I pray that God blesses you with more healing as you share your experiences, thoughts, and emotions. No need to ask for forgiveness for being real...but if it makes you feel better...you're forgiven.
Thanks for your comment. And I really mean that. It's nice to know if I say anything that makes since, and really nice if it helps someone. You helped me.
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