The Ides Of March, or, Does This Dagger Match My Shoes?

  You know how you go along thinking things are good, in fact great, and never even feel that knife in your back?  Then, when someone points it out, it hurts like hell. You think, hey, I must have done something to deserve this, but you can't figure out what. Then, it's like you're in high school again, only, Becky didn't pass you that note in gym to let you know you were being libeled. You are angry, but mostly your feelings are hurt. You realize not everyone is your friend, and there is no reason why they should be. So you close yourself off, leave them to their own fate. Years later, Cindy's husband gets caught sleeping around, Pattie's 15 year old is pregnant and Connie's son is gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. But, you don't feel vindicated. Your heart breaks for them, and you pray they find healing. That's the knife twisting. You can't hate even when you should.
  There was a Bob Dylan song in the 80's that said, "If you want someone you can trust, trust yourself." I think he had something there. Being paranoid doesn't mean people are not out to get you. If Lincoln had been a little more paranoid, maybe he could have finished the play. Or better yet, stayed in and read a good book.
 

Random Stuff I'm Thinking About Today

 Yesterday, Jon and I were watching an old black and white movie, I think it was called The Glass Key. In the beginning of the movie, the gangster type guy was saying something derogatory about another person and Veronica Lake walk right up, slapped him on the face and said he should be ashamed of himself. Veronica Lake was a tiny little thing, but the gangster backed down and truly seemed ashamed. Today she would have been arrested, taken to court, charged with abuse, battery and violating the gangsters civil rights. But I believe the world would be a better place if you had to think about what you were saying for fear of being slapped.
 There was a man in the grocery store, the other day, screaming the F word to someone on his cell phone for all to hear. That man needed to be slapped. There would be no rap songs about killing cops, violating women and using the "F" word if someone slapped the rapper and made him ashamed of himself. We need more slappers in this world.
  OK, before someone gets offended, I must say I have nothing against Rap. It's not music, but if you like it it's OK.
  On the subject of music, Etta James died Friday. I started listening to her music a very long time ago but didn't know much about her. One article said she was a heroin addict in her early years and it almost killed her career. Her husband spent many years in prison, when she was busted for drugs  and he took the blame saying they were his. That is loyalty. I wondered how many talented musicians, especially black women, spent their lives in prison. It's a terrible shame. She said she started doing heroine because she hung out in jazz clubs with people like Miles Davis and Billie Holiday and wanted to be cool. She thought Billie Holiday's beautiful voice came from shooting heroine. Also, Kieth Richards invited her to tour with the Stones in the 70's, if she could stay clean. I'm not sure if Kieth Richards was clean, but... I'll bet it was a great concert. I think my all time favorite Etta James song would be I'd Rather Go Blind, or maybe Sugar On the Floor.
  I just finished a great book. It was called Whispers From The Ashes. It's a story told by a 12 year old girl in 1955. She lives in Pennsylvania mining country and she is discovering her family history. There is a mine fire that has been burning for 40 years. It was a hard book to put down and I predict it will be a movie some day.
  The wind is blowing 50 to 60 miles an hour today and the sky is brown. I hate wind. I can tolerate ice and snow, but wind makes me want to pull the covers over my head and sleep until tomorrow. It looks like the dust bowl out there today. Why do I live here?
 

Another Top Five

 Happy MLK day.
 I'm so glad for another day off as I am not quite back to normal. I'm told that it could be months before the pain actually subsides. Maybe I can make it on Ibuprofen and ice and not have to be so stoned all the time. Although, being stoned, hungry and glued to the TV did make me feel like a high school girl again. I think my metabolism could take it better back then.
  As much as I write about television, you might think I watch it all the time. That's what I thought, anyway. But last night I was watching the Golden Globes and I had not seen most of the TV shows that were winning awards.  I do watch Modern Family, which won for best sitcom. In fact I DVR it just in case something comes up. In my opinion, it's the funniest sitcom on TV today.
 On a previous awards show, Downton Abbey won best drama or something. I had never heard of it, but it looked interesting so I watched the first season on my Kindle Fire. I loved everything about it. The characters, costumes and story line hooked me. But, why had I never seen Downton Abbey before? I watch PBS, but I had never even seen it advertised.
 Then there were all those mini series I had never heard of. Is it possible they all aired during baseball season, when I was only semi-aware of what else was going on in the world? That has to be it.
 Anyway, that got me thinking about making another list. You know how I love list. Modern Family is a very funny show, as is 30 Rock. Most other sitcoms are too joke driven. They set up every line and you can guess where it's going. And the laugh track just makes it worse. So, I decided to make a list of what I think are the top five funniest lines from old television shows.
 Number 5: Dick Van Dyke was lost in the woods and came upon an old cabin, where he took shelter. He had to kill a large snake and started to throw it out the window, but stopped. He didn't know how long he would be without food so he put the dead snake on the table and said, "That should kill my appetite."
 Number 4: On the old Newhart show, Bob had written a mystery novel and there was a typo that read, it was so quiet, you could hear a pig drop. The towns people didn't realize it was a typo and they all adopted the phrase. I say this sometimes and people look at me like I'm crazy, so maybe you had to be there.
 Number 3: Carol Burnett was playing Scarlett O'Hara.  Rhett was coming to see her and she had nothing to wear so, of course, she pulled the drapes down to make a dress just like in the movie. Only in the Carol Burnett version she left the drapery rod in the dress. When complemented, she said, " I saw it in the window and just had to have it."
 The first time I saw this I laughed until I had tears in my eyes.
 Number 2: This was not really a sitcom, but rather an interview. Johnny Carson was asking Bob Uecker about his baseball days. He said when he was catching he could tell a curve ball from a fast ball in the dark. Johnny asked him how. He held up his hands and made a big circle and said, " a fast ball leaves a whelp about this big."
 Number 1: Mash. Hawkeye and Trapper John are discussing Colonel Flag. Hawkey, "That guys a fruitcake." Trapper, "He has Raisins for eyes."

 I've been down with a pinched nerve in my back for about a week. It's been quite painful but I am getting better. For the last week I have lived on steroids, codeine and television. I think I've gained 20 pounds. Jon says it's all water weight and will come right off as soon as I discontinue the steroids. He has no idea how hungry those little pills have made me. I may be retaining water, but it's more likely I am retaining biscuits and gravy.
  Like I said, I have watched a lot of  television the past week and I have come to a conclusion. After my last post, Dixie Dog made a comment about young girls mixing seasonal clothing. This is something that has always bothered me. I think Uggs are ugly, but may be very warm with jeans on a cold snowy day. But why would one wear them with a mini skirt? Another thing that gets to me is, black stockings with white shoes. I actually have seen this on a soap opera actress this week.
  We used to think of Feral children as being motherless and raised by wolves. Now it seems these Feral girls are being raised by TV stars and other entertainers. And their moms, well, they share a wardrobe. It's sad, really.
  Most of us go through this at some point in our lives. In the third grade, I wanted so much to look like Nancy Sinatra. I wore my white Go Go boots and I used my sisters eyeliner to draw thick black lines across my eyelid, swooshing out to the corners, just like Nancy. Fortunately my mom had the good sense to make me wash it off before school. I got over it and before long I wanted my hair cut in a neat little bob like Barbara Feldon, 99, on Get Smart. Now she was seriously cool.

Adventures in Shopping the Cosmetic Counter

  A man told me the other day, he was packing up his well repair business and moving back to Mexico. He said he couldn't hire good help in this town, that no one wanted to work that hard. I hate to admit it but I know he is right. We are becoming a city full of abandoned buildings. New business' pop up now and then, build or remodel a massive building, only to leave a short time later. It's always the same excuse, mismanaged and lack of good help.
  I see it for myself all the time. Young girls come in to apply for a teller job, wearing shorts and flip flops. Banks have relaxed the dress code a little over the years. Most include jeans on Fridays, but at this point we are still wearing shoes. I have had them approach me while texting, barely look up from their phones and ask for an application. If I tell them we are not hiring, they ask to have an application anyway. I know then it is for their parents, parole officer or social worker. They are not serious about finding a job. Sometimes they even come through the motor bank asking. If they can't get out of the car, again, I know they are not serious. But the real tip off is, if you call them in for an interview and they bring their baby.
 In most cities, you can't walk through a department store without an all out assault from  sales people working the various makeup and perfume counters. In my town's one and only surviving department store, the sales people are invisible. I have stood around for ages waiting for one to appear, before I finally found , or out ran, an "associate".They all want to be called associates or team members these  days, and they call us guest, yet treat us like intruders. 
 Yesterday, I was in this store and happened to find a young girl standing behind the counter at the particular brand of cosmetics I was looking for. Actually, I was looking for spot remover. Buying makeup used to make me feel pretty and feminine. These days I buy primers and spot remover and I feel like I'm in a hardware store. I saw a new product the other day called spackling. It was for filling in lines. Anyway, I approached this girl and she looked terrified. She was wide eyed and breathing heavily, and I thought I could hear her heart beating. Our conversation went like this.
 Me: It's OK, I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to purchase one of your products.
 Sales girl: total silence.
 Me: I have seen the Spot Corrector on television and thought I might try it.
 Sales Girl: still, nothing to say.
 Me: You know, it's for removing brown spots from being in the sun too much.
 Sales Girl: What is it?
 Me: Look, I have both hands on the counter. Again, I am not going to hurt you. Turn around and you will see a very large sign. It says Clinique Even Better Spot Corrector. That is what I want to try.
 Sales Girl: Oh. What size?
 Me: What are the sizes?
 Sales Girl: Small and large.
 Me: How much do they cost?
 Sales Girl: Small is 43.00 and the large is 75.00.
 Me: Good Lord! Does it work?
 Sales Girl: I guess.
 Stupid Me: Here's my debit card. I'll take the small.
 Sales Girl, suddenly smiling: Would you like to apply for our in store credit card?
 Completely Baffled Me: No, I don't think I'll be back.

Sheila Rants

  It is day four of the new year and time to make some list. Don't you just love list? I can be reading the most boring article, then find it contains a list and I perk right up. My first list will be all the things I grew tired of hearing seeing and reading in 2011.
 Number one on my list, anything or anyone Kardashian. I don't know who these people are, or why they are famous, but I am sick to death of hearing about them. So, please, no more Kardashians. It's not news.
 On those same lines, Lindsey Lohan. I have to tell you, I love Mean Girls. I watch it every time it's on TV. But, I don't care to hear about this girls sad, pathetic life. Leave her alone and maybe she will get better. We are not doing her any favors by making her think the world revolves around her.
 Number three, Adele. I remember driving home from Oklahoma in my 350Z my husband had just bought me when I heard Rolling In The Deep for the first time. I don't know, maybe it was because I was so pumped about the car, or because I could only pick up top 40 radio, but I thought that was a great song. The thing is, I only had to hear it, maybe five more times before I was so completely tired of it, and by the time it had played all summer long I could have screamed. Now, all anyone can talk about is Adele and how great her CD is. Really, it's not that good. Occasionally we go through dry spells in new music and people get excited about anything different from what they have been hearing. This explains the "Hair" bands of the 80's and 90's.
 Fourth on my list is "Baby Bump". Why do pregnant celebrities act like they invented child birth?
  Fifth, please, oh please, bring back maternity clothes. At first it was fat women and 15 year old girls who wore their tight pre pregnancy clothes, but now everyone does it. I was shunned for breast feeding my babies in a public, with a blanket covering everything, I might add, but now it's OK for you to flaunt your huge belly and protruding navel! Do you know how bad this looks?
 Sixth, reality shows about anything. The only reason the networks keep pumping this trash out is because they are cheap to make. Entertain me, show me something unreal. Something I can laugh at without feeling guilty and let me cry knowing there's no real tragedy and everyone is OK. If I want reality I will watch the news.
  Seven, picking on BABIES! What is this all about? Babies are the brunt of jokes on several commercials and TV shows. Now that I've brought it to your attention, I'm sure you will see what I mean.
 Eight, the phrase don't be hattin'. If you can not form a proper sentence, don't be talking.
 Well, I'm sure I will think of something else to complain about, but for now this is it. Hope I didn't step on any toes.

 Happy New Year!
 I can't believe it's 2012. Twelve years ago today we were expecting major mayhem and chaos as we faced a collective crashing of the worlds computers. I was working for a large bank at the time, and remember preparing for disaster for an entire year. We had everything from emergency generators to small hand held flashlights, which we were required to check the batteries on a weekly basis. That New Years morning it was my responsibility to drive through the wreckage and carnage, step over the bodies entering the bank, fire up all the computers and call Arizona, if we had phones, to report our losses. What I did was, stop for coffee, smile and wish everyone I came in contact with a happy new year, walk in the bank, turn on the computers, call Arizona and visit at length with the poor slob on the other end who also had to go into work on New Years morning. Then I went home, took some aspirin and went back to bed. Aw, memories.
 Now this year, 2012, some folks are saying we are once again facing the end of the world. Apparently, some ancient Mayan tribe created a calender that ends on December 21, 2012. Is it maybe possible, these Mayans got tired of carving dates in stone and said, "My hand hurts and I think this is a good place to stop."? Why do we always give these people so much credit?  Also, if there are people living on other planets, why do we assume their world is so advanced? We believe they are super intelligent and want to take over our planet because we are all too stupid to live.
 Remember when those two snipers were shooting people around Maryland and D C? The press talked about these guys like they had some greater agenda and were so smart the police would never catch them. It turned out, they were two guys with a third grade education who liked killing people. I'm getting off the subject, if there is one, so I should stop here before I tell you all my problems with the whole Zombie thing. Like, why are they so slow, and why don't they wipe there mouths after they eat? And why do some folks think Romney would be a good president?
  Well here are my resolutions for 2012.
 I will try as many new wines as I can.
 I will clean up my DVR. I'll never have time to watch all those episodes of Psych.
 I will watch every Rangers game I can.
 I will cease to criticize C J Wilson, since he will be pitching for the Angels and is no longer our problem.
 If C J turns out to be a good pitcher for the Angels, I will be on his case once again.
 I will take Mia to puppy school in hopes that she will be easier to live with.
  That's about it. Anything else and I would just be setting myself up for failure.

 Hope this is a great year for everyone.