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Sunday, April 18, 2010

I'm sitting in a motel in Brownwood, struggling with a very slow Internet connection. We spent the weekend in Austin, visiting our kids. I really enjoyed my time with them, but I'm always a little sad when it's over. However, I have come to realize it is easier to leave than to be left.

A couple of nights ago I was in this same motel and checking my email when I got word one of my friends from high school had died. Like I said, this is a very slow connection, so I'm still waiting to hear what happened. But whatever it was, I'm very heart broken. I keep thinking about the last time I saw her.

It was five weeks after Lauren died, when she, Gail, called me. We were about to have a school reunion and she was making sure I was going to be there. She told me that with what I was going through, no one would blame me if I didn't go. I told her, we loose someone after every one of these things and I didn't know who I would be seeing for the last time. She got really quiet and I figured she was thinking about the funeral of a friend we had both been to a few months before. But now I wonder if she knew something.

On the last night of the reunion, I was tired and ready to go home. I said my goodbye's to everyone, but Gail was no where to be found, so I told Susan to tell her I said goodbye and I would see her next time. And that was it.

I feel sad for all the wasted time.
My kids are right. All my stories do end with someone dying. But that's how life goes. You either leave or you are left.

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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


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