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Monday, November 30, 2009

Is This The Price For Having Learned How Not To Cry?







I have said in the past I never cry in public. I also said it was becoming increasingly harder to control this emotion. Maybe it's age, hormones or just life's experiences, I don't know, but I am more emotional these days.



I have a good reason for not wanting to cry in front of others. I don't like a lot of attention and if I start crying I will draw attention. I'm not one of those people who can quietly weep, tears rolling down their faces, occasionally dabbing them with a tissue. When I cry it's loud uncontrollable shoulder heaving sobbing. It requires many tissues.



I try to avoid situations that will bring on these episodes. Sometimes it just can't be helped. If it happens at church, well I know I will not be the only one.



This time of year everyone is trying to make you cry. Coffee commercials are the worst. They are like mini episodes of The Walton's or Little House On The Prairie. On the news they will have soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan wishing their families a merry Christmas. OK, so no TV. But what about work? When we have our open house you know there will be children singing Silent Night and such. How am I supposed to handle that? I have to work with these people.



In the town I lived in before, there was this young African American Man, named Cory. He was around thirty but had the mentality of a six year old. He was one of the sweetest people I have ever known. He would come into the bank to see me all the time and talk about Jesus. He loved Jesus and he loved his church. He would tell me about a revival or something they were having and he would say" I'm going back tonight to get me another blessing". He always wanted to play the guitar in his church but he didn't know how. He told me his pastor would say "Cory that's not your gift". And he was happy with that answer.



We were having our Christmas open house one year and he came in for punch and cookies. He was so excited about Christmas, telling me what he was getting his grandma. He said " I want to sing you a song for Christmas". I said OK, not realizing he meant right then. He closed his eyes and sang Oh Holy Night. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. First I had chill bumps, then came the tears. His voice was amazing. I said "Cory, that's your gift". He said "I know".



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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


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