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Sunday, June 3, 2012

It will be Alright In The end

  My last day with Lauren, was six years ago, today.
  It was a really fun time, I don't think I could ever forget. Jon's 50th birthday was on the 6th, 06-06-06! So, of course we had to have a surprise party for him. But, his birthday was on a Tuesday, I think, so we had it on Saturday.
 We spent the day getting things ready and annoying him. He always said Lauren and I could laugh for hours about nothing. This day it was especially annoying because he thought we were ignoring him, when all the while we were doing things for his surprise party. And he was very surprised. He said, about the whole 666 thing, if he had known being the Anti-Christ paid so little, he would have worked for the phone company instead. Which was funny because, he worked for AT&T for 32 years. I guess you had to be there.
 Anyway, Lauren and I had a great day. I remember we were at the supermarket and they were handing out ice cream sandwiches to promote the upcoming Moo Fest. It was very hot and I was trying to drive with a melting ice cream treat in my hand. We joked about how embarrassing it would be to be killed in a wreck eating ice cream.
 She was having a bad backache, and before she left school, she had tried to give blood, but they said she was severely anemic. The next morning we were on the front porch and I was hugging her goodbye, and begging her to stay one more day and see her doctor. I can still feel my arms around her, but, I also can feel her wet, feverish head leaning against me when she was two. Some things stay with you forever. Next thing I knew, she was saying, "Mom, I'll be home in two weeks".
  Two weeks from then, was Father's Day, just like it will be this year. The next two weeks will be hard, but I will make it.
 Today, we didn't feel like pretending we were OK, so we skipped church. Instead we went out to breakfast and then a movie. The movie we saw was, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It was good, set in India with a lot of veteran actors like Judi Dench, Tom Wilkinson, Maggie Smith and Bill Nighy. Something one of the young actors kept saying was, "It will be alright in the end. And if it's not alright, it's not the end."
 I really liked that. I know some people think, after six years, I should be alright. But, I'm not alright. Lauren was my baby. She left a big ol' empty whole in my heart when she died.
 I'm not alright, so it must not be the end.

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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


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