Black Friday Blues

 I didn't have a chance to write a Thanksgiving post yesterday, so just let me tell you, I am thankful for my husband, children, father and brothers, as well as their families. I am thankful for my sweet little doggies, my home, job and freedoms that come with living in the greatest country in the world. I am truly thankful for my life.
  Now, here on this Black Friday, I am most thankful I do not work in retail. I am also thankful there is nothing in all of Walmart or Target I feel compelled to stand in line or camp out over night for. No thank you, I am satisfied with a good nights sleep and a clear conscience, knowing I did not trample or pepper spray a fellow human being to obtain a 5.00 copy of the latest instalment of the Twilight saga.
 I seriously don't understand what makes people do such crazy things just to get a great deal. If this were a third world country and we were standing in line for bread to feed our families, it would be different. But most of the things these folks are pursuing are just junk. They are knock offs and unknown brands of inferior products. Do you really believe a 32 inch flat screen TV will be quality merchandise at 150.00? If so, do you work for the government, perhaps in our penal system?
  Perhaps I am just not competitive enough to shop for bargains, or maybe I'm just lazy. I don't clip coupons and I am happy paying a little more for something at the drug store if it means I can skip the trip to the large discount chain. I just don't like shopping enough  to make it a sport. Especially one I don't have the energy to win.

Sleeping With Darth Vader

  My husband uses a CPac machine when he sleeps. It's a thing he wears on his face that resembles a gas mask, and keeps him from snoring or dying in his sleep. It was kind of creepy at first, but I got used to it and the low, humming, Darth Vader sound now just lulls me to sleep.
  He used to snore like a freight train, which kept me awake at night and generally just drove me nuts. When he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and I was told how serious it could be, I felt a little guilty. I always knew he was in danger of dying in his sleep, because of the huge temptation to smother him with my pillow. I know that's horrible, but sleep deprivation can drive good people to do bad things. Anyway, things are much more peaceful around here now.
  It's funny how a little noise can send you up a wall or calm you like a baby. For instance, we all love to nap to the sound of rain falling on the roof, while a dripping shower is pure torture.
 Jon has a thing about squeaks.
  Sometimes we will be in the car driving along so peacefully, when he suddenly starts opening and shutting compartments and wedging folded paper in cracks, all the while swerving into oncoming traffic. When I ask what in the world is wrong, he says he hears a squeak. I say turn up the radio.
  He worked for AT&T for 32 years, listening to different tones and noise and I guess some things just stay with you.

  I was cleaning the other day and noticed two screws on the floor. I looked up and saw the plastic casing around the elliptical machine was coming off and someone had jammed a screw driver under one of the legs. I said, "Jon, is that exercise machine coming apart?" He looked embarrassed and said, "It was squeaking."

 Here's an update on the cooking project.
 I have made a few things that were very good, but what I'm proudest of is my Chicken Picatta and Red wine & Honey roasted Pears. The pears were beautiful. They came out looking like...pears! I should have taken a picture. They looked like something from the cover of Food & Wine magazine. I was also quite proud of my pumpkin soup.
 I believe Jon has lost interest in our project, maybe due to time limitations or the perfectionist in him cant stand to be out done. He has been thoughtful not to criticize my dishes with the exception of the chocolate pizza, which was awful. I know you are thinking how can anyone screw up chocolate, right? Well, I did.

 We have entered that wonderful time of the year when eating becomes our focus. We have leftover Halloween candy and of course all the school fundraisers, with little kids peddling candy bars. Now, we start planning our Thanksgiving meal. What pies to make and how many. Soon it will be Christmas candy, which I'm quite good at making. It seems like I don't eat nearly as much when I'm doing the cooking. Maybe my other senses get "full" by the time we sit down to eat. Hopefully this will help.
 I found a recipe in the Cook Yourself Thin cookbook for brownies that are supposed to be good for you. It's a devil's food cake mix and a can of pumpkin puree. That's all. I'm going to try it this afternoon so, I'll let you know if it's worth the effort.

Feeling better today.

Hard Days

 I have been doing well, lately, to focus on what I have, rather than what I have lost. My spirits have been high and I have had opportunities to see old friends and family. But, I don't sleep much. I've had a lot of back pain, especially at night, and it's a long wait until I see the pain management doctor.
 Last night was especially hard. After taking enough pain meds to induce a coma, I finally fell off to sleep. And I dreamed.
 I dreamed I was shopping with Lauren in an unfamiliar mall. We were talking and laughing and it was so real, like I was really spending time with Lauren. Then she went to try on something and I lost her. I looked all over, but couldn't find her. Then, I had a thought. I could call her. I heard a phone ringing and knew it was hers and it was in my purse. I went home very unhappy and told Jon what had happened. He said she had been gone for so long the battery on her phone should be dead. I realized in that instant, that I was never going to find her. Then, I woke up and knew I did not want to face this day. I turned the alarm off, stayed still and cried a little.

 At my reunion, I was talking with a friend, Galen, who lost his son a short time before Lauren died. Another friend asked the two of us how we were able to go on with our lives and not become bitter. Galen just stood quietly and said nothing. I knew he was hurting, so I wasn't sure what to say. I just said I didn't have anyone to blame, so it might be easier for me.The thing is, I had much more to say, but I just couldn't find the words.
 I saw a program on PBS about the affects of war on women in the world today. I saw women who had lost their entire family. And I just thought, who am I, to think I should be protected from the same loss and pain a million other women will suffer today? The only difference between us is Hope.
 I'm having a bad day. My heart hurts and I'd like to pull the covers over my head. But I have Hope.

What Ever Happened to That Patridge Girl

 My high school reunion was this weekend and though I am exhausted, it was a wonderful time and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I'm not exactly thrilled with the pictures posted on facebook so far, but hey, that's what I get for waiting until the week before the reunion to get serious about losing forty pounds.
 Sometimes you build something up in your head, only to be disappointed when the actual event occurs. Well that didn't happen this time. It was great to see everyone and I can hardly wait five years to see them all again.
 My class consist of doctors, nurses, lawyers, and a former NFL player among many other professions. A former classmate was one of the first female graduates from Annapolis  and the first woman to serve on board a destroyer. That's impressive. Why, you may ask, did I not aspire to such lofty goals? Well, I don't know. We were all smoking the same weed, so I guess it was just me.
 I can say I accomplished a few things. I raised three great kids and really, all I ever wanted to be, was someones wife and mother. As far as a career, I just kind of stumbled into banking. Banking is like the Mafia. Once you're in, you can never get out.
 Anyway, it was great fun being with everyone, and I miss them all already.