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Saturday, March 10, 2012

It Only Hurts When I Cry

  You know what makes me sad? Those commercials for antidepressants. You know, the ones that say, "depression hurts", and show the sad faces of people too depressed to function. I don't know what it is about those ads, but they get all over me. Especially when they show their dogs, who look just as sad. But, even that is not as bad as the Humane Society commercials. I'd rather pick at a scab than watch those. Seriously, I change the channel as soon as I hear Sarah McLachlan's voice. Poor ole Sarah. We all now associate her music with sadness. Her next album should be titled, Music To Kill Yourself by.
  Some mornings, I find it hard to face another day. Usually this is after I've had a really good dream where I've spent time with Lauren. It's tough to realize it was just a dream and she is no longer here. On days like that, I can dwell on it or I can choose to be happy.
I never thought I would be able to say that, but it's true.
  You know what makes me happy? Funny people, like the ones I work with. They keep me laughing all day. Also, the four year old girl who comes in the bank every day and ask me, "Hey, do you want to go to a tea party?".
  My children make me happy. I look forward to seeing them whenever I can.
  My dogs are hilarious. Each has a personality of their own.
  It makes my heart swell with joy, knowing baseball season is around the corner.
  Music makes me happy. Last night, Jon and I went to the Amarillo Symphony. The featured violinist was Chee Yun Kim, a music professor from SMU, and the music was Brahms. I don't think I have ever had music bring me to tears, aside from worship. I know it may sound cliche, but it was an emotional experience.
  Also, it makes me happy that Jon and I enjoy the same things, music, baseball, our kids and dogs. We have a lot of fun together. I watched an old couple at the concert last night, who must have been in their late 80's. They were so into each other, it was sweet.
   What makes me very happy, is knowing some morning, I'll wake up and know my time with Lauren has just begun and will never end. Momma will be there and my sister as well. I'm sure there will be music, baseball and some dogs I have been missing.

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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


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