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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

What Doesn't Kill Us Will Likely Embarrass The Hell Out Of Us


We have all embarrassed our children, almost as much as our parents embarrassed us. I think I have told you before about my mother wearing a dress and stockings and carrying her handbag across her arm at Six Flags. I know it doesn't sound all that bad, but I was 10 and, well you just had to be there.




I went out with a guy once that my mom said she had a "bad feeling" about. She said he looked like a pirate. Yes, a very handsome pirate every girl in town wanted to date. Well, Mom had me paged on my date, at the movies where she informed me she was coming to pick me up. Everyone I knew heard about it before I got home that night.




My dad chased the sweetest guy I ever knew off our front porch because he didn't like the way he looked. That sweet guy is now my dad's doctor.




Most of the time my parents embarrassed me out of love. What mother wants her daughter to spend the rest of her life living on ill-gotten booty with Johnny Depp or , heaven forbid, a Doctor. I, on the other hand, have caused such humbling experiences for my children because I am a goof ball and klutz.



Many of these red faced moments took place at amusement parks. Once we were going through the Fun house, not that much fun, at the Amarillo Tri State Fair. When we reached the end, there was a rolling drum we had to walk through. The adolescent punks behind us pushed me in and I fell on my face. The drum rolled and rolled like a washing machine until I finally rolled out and landed at Jon's feet. My family looked horrified.


Another time I was packing for a trip to Six Flags and noticed my sneakers had spots on them. I dabbed a little laundry soap on the spots and threw them in the washer with a load of towels. The spots didn't come out and, as I later learned, the soap didn't either. That day at six flags, we had just finished a water ride and we were drenched from head to toe when Sarah said, "Mom look at your shoes". There were soap bubbles coming out of my shoes. The more I walked the more suds my feet made. I looked like I was walking on a cloud of bubbles. Of course Jon and the kids walked ahead of me and pretended I wasn't with them.


Probably what was one of my most humiliating experiences came days after my son was born, so fortunately for him, he wont remember. I was a nursing mother, for the first time, and was just getting used to all the stuff that comes with that. You know, the instantly wet Tshirt the moment you hear your child cry and of course, breast pads.

I had just finished feeding Eric when my brother in-law stopped by. He and Jon visited for a while and then suddenly I realized I hadn't put my breast pad back on. I looked on the table where I had laid it and it wasn't there. Then I noticed Jon's brother was using it for a coaster. At first I thought I would die. But those things are pretty absorbent and they do harden, so soon we had a whole set.

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A wife, mother, and spoiler of small dogs, I grew up in a small West Texas town, with my eyes full of sand, and my heart full of joy.


white punks